Okay, cheesy title but yeah, couldn't think of any more title other than that. Feels like everytime I triy to blog about something, whether to post a video, post a new entry or other things I might like to put in my blog seems to come up with a random title. It is like my brain has this random name generator that cooks up names and words in aboour 0.4 seconds the moment the new blogging page opens. Anyhow, that was just a random thought I had cooked up for the last minute or so.

Tonight, actually, it's 1.00am now and it's friday, I am still in my holiday mood. Sure, I did travel to relieve the stress I have been having during my masters course and now that all of my courseworks are done I can finally rest at ease. Though my dissertation is still due until September, I can just sit back, relax, do work more efficiently and taking my time with no pressure whatsoever. Anywho's, this blog is not about rambling on and on my life, but rather, this entry is just a jist of what I am feeling so far though, not meaning to be rude or anything, but it's just that I need this to get out of the way so that I can have a breathing space for other stuff to come into my head and manipulate the brain with it.

Anyway, sometimes I do feel this sort of air coming around my environment, this, sense of disgust when I am around a big crowd. Though I do not speak much about what I do feel but I felt that I need to say this on my blog since it is the only way I will release the feelings enraged inside. Yeah, getting back, the sense of disgust, the sense of like "what the hell are you doing here?", "your just a nuisance", "your annoying", "your just stupid around people", that sort of reception you know. I don't mean to be offensive but this is just what I have been feeling lately though I don't show it to my peers but yeah, lately it is been like that eversince I came back from Birmingham. I can't shake this feeling of me as being the pure guilt around people, as if, I am not needed nor like I should not be there for any joyous occasion. Though my peers tries to bring me out and stuff, I never reject them (unless of course if there is other reasons, I should state that the fact that it is just personal and I like that privacy to be respected on all factors). Then again, there are some bright sides when it comes to it but somehow, it always felt like a pole of positives and negatives, and so far, whenever I try to go to be positive, something might stop me from reaching that positive factor and starts pushing me towards negativity and I don't like that.

Here are some of the random thoughts that I like to say and not keep it in my head. Why can't people keep their privacy? Especially here, the moment I travel outside on my own, people has this stupid idea of you going out of London means that you are going to meet someone you like. I really do not like that perception. That is where sometimes in my head, I do get angry. I mean like come on, I just want to travel out of the place, that does not mean I am going to meet someone I like? I just feel like I wanna got out of London for a while. It is much better going out then staying over in London the whole time. I am so sorry guys if you read this (for those who does not go out of London) but seriously, I felt like it is time for me to go out and expose myself to know more outside, and by doing that, I can gain new things in life rather than being stuck in. I do believe that most of your reading this will surely say *nah, he's just bluffing, I know he'll say this just to cover up that he met a girl, you know, just to keep low* then FYI to you guys and sorry to disappoint you, I don't. Probably after reading this, you guys are going to hate me more than ever. That's fine, I'm cool with that no worries, I won't bother. Just enjoy your reckless notion of "man, he's very dull" kinda stuff but you won't understand.

Hm, there are other random thoughts that I like to point out but it seems my head is already beginning to shut down from it's active thinking point. The main thing is, as I progressed through life here, I have learnt new things. Feel no remorse your surroundings, being good means that you are the easy prey for the people who is going to hurt you real bad, people DO judge the book by its cover and it has happened alot, when you try to open up, something will shut you down, when you try to be good at something, something will prevent you from being good in a paticular stuff, when you try to enjoy fun, all I get is just pressure and nothing else. So here, Fun = Pressure, being good = your the stupid, nonsense, useless person, improving = de-moralisation of improvement.

Anyway, I will to continue on rambling other things in life as I progress through and hopefully I will remember what I wanted to write here.